Brainless Boneheads: Texas Woman Steals Van With Dead Body in the Back

Welcome to our weekly Brainless Boneheads! Every Friday, Don Chase & Sarah find some of the wildest, craziest stories out there to help kick off your weekend with a smile.

- Brainless Boneheads is a regular Friday feature from Don Chase & Sarah. Read more Brainless Boneheads here.

A Streaker and a Taser

From the “ought not to have done that” file, a streaker might be regretting his actions at a recent game. For some reason, a fan stripped off all of his clothes and sprinted across the field during a Cincinnati Reds/Cleveland Guardians game. Police hit the field seconds after the streaker did. With perfect Olympic timing, the man did a naked backflip right in front of one of the police officers. In a split second, the officer whipped out his taser, deployed the device and to the delight of the crowd, brought the streaker down.

Abuse of a Corpse

Let’s think like a criminal for a moment. If you were going to steal a vehicle, what kind would it be. A car, truck, van, motorcycle? Well, from the Lone Star state of Texas comes the story of Valerie Ellis. Valerie decided to steal a vehicle and not just any vehicle. The mortuary van happened to be sitting at the local hospital in Azel, Texas. Valerie jumped into the van and took off. I guess at some point, Valerie noticed the deceased body in the back of the van and then ditched the vehicle. Authorities later found the van and located Valerie as well and charged her with the abuse of a corpse along with theft of a vehicle.

The first golfer to win the U.S. Open in 1895 won $150. Things have come a long way since then, as this year's U.S. Open at Pinehurst has the richest total purse in major championship history.

This year's field is splitting $21.5 million, with the winner Bryson DeChambeau taking $4.3 million.

"We want to make sure that our purse matches how we feel about the rest of our championship, which is a life-changing difference in the game," USGA CEO Mike Whan said. “And I think we’re there and we’ll continue to kind of monitor that.”

Golf purses have gone up pretty rapidly the last few years, much of which is likely a response to the increased money coming at some golfers from LIV golf. But the USGA said they aren't interested in just raising purses for the sake of raising them, as that will just lead to others doing the same.

"We're proud of our purse. I'm proud of the fact that we as an organization consistently ask ourselves whether or not we think we've got our purse right, our TV right," Whan said. "All of those things have changed quite a bit in the last few years, and change is uncomfortable, but I think we're not only keeping up with the times, but hopefully at least in the landscape of majors, in a lot of these cases we're leading."

Let's take a look at how much every golfer won in the 2024 U.S. Open from Pinehurst, including Bryson's big haul.

67-69-67-71 - 274 (-6)

65-72-69-69 - 275 (-5)

68-69-72-67 - 276 (-4)

65-71-70-70 - 276 (-4)

67-70-69-71 - 277 (-3)

72-66-70-70 - 278 (-2)

70-70-72-67 - 279 (-1)

70-69-72-68 - 279 (-1)

73-67-73-67 - 280 (E)

70-72-70-68 - 180 (E)

69-70-71-70 - 280 (E)

T12. Sergio Garcia, Ludvig Aberg; 1 over: $409,279

T14. Thomas Detry, Collin Morikawa; 2 over: $351,369.50

T16. Tommy Fleetwood, Akshay Bhatia, Taylor Pendrith; 3 over: $299,218

T19. Shane Lowry, Aaron Rai; 4 over: $255,758.50

T21. Max Greyserman, Daniel Berger, Min Woo Lee, Stephan Jaeger, Brian Harman; 5 over: $203,607.20

T26. Brooks Koepka, Zac Blair, Chris Kirk, Neal Shipley (a), Tom Kim, Tyrrell Hatton; 6 over: $149,971

T32. Adam Scott, Si Woo Kim, Sahith Theegala, Keegan Bradley, Isaiah Salinda, Christiaan Bezuidenhout, Cameron Smith, J.T. Poston, Denny McCarthy; 7 over: $105,775

T41. Frankie Capan III, Harris English, Jordan Spieth, Scottie Scheffler, Tom McKibbin, Tim Widing, Emiliano Grillo, Billy Horschel, Luke Clanton (a); 8 over: $84,376.75

T50. Justin Lower, Matt Kuchar, Nicolai Hojgaard, Mark Hubbard; 9 over: $48,022.25

54. Nico Echavarria, 10 over: $46,067

55. David Puig, 11 over: $45,632

T56. S.H. Kim, Ben Kohles, Ryan Fox, Sepp Straka, Greyson Sigg, Brian Campbell, Adam Svensson, Wyndham Clark; 12 over: $43,676.25

T64. Matthew Fitzpatrick, Francesco Molinari, Martin Kaymer; 13 over: $41,286

T67. Cameron Young, Brendon Todd; 14 over: $40,199.50

69. Dean Burmester, 15 over: $39,548

T70. Brandon Wu, Gunnar Broin (a); 16 over: $39,113

72. Sam Bennett, 17 over: $38,678

All 69 professional golfers who missed the cut receive $10,000.