Brainless Boneheads: Wisconsin Escapee Captured in Tipped Over Porta Potty
Welcome to Brainless Boneheads! Every Friday, Don Chase & Sarah find some of the wildest, craziest stories out there to help kick off your weekend with a smile.
– Brainless Boneheads is a regular Friday feature from Don Chase & Sarah. Read more Brainless Boneheads here.
A Drunk Dad Freak Out
This past Monday, Colby Parker headed out to his local grocery story to do some shopping. Once he returned to his car, he freaked out and dialed 9-1-1. After police arrived, Parker said that there had been a kidnapping. Parker said he left his kid in the car while he went inside the grocery store. Now the child is missing and Parker feared the worst. While the police were administering a breath test on Parker, K-9 units along with area agencies were searching for the missing child. Parker failed the alcohol test. Authorities did not fail. They found the child at home and all alone. Parker is facing several charges including child endangerment and driving while impaired.
Overturned Porta Potty
When running from the cops, always be careful and aware of your surroundings. Up in Wisconsin, some car thieves were pursued in a chase from the police and crashed. All 4 thieves made a run for it, with 2 of them heading for a local golf course. One ran straight into a porta-potty. A golfer witnessed the whole thing go down and wisely turned over the porta-potty on its side with the thief still inside!
4 Types Of People You Will Find At Thanksgiving Turkey Trot
The Costume Runner
Here is the spectacle runner, who is decked out in a giant turkey costume. They can’t breathe let alone run, but they certainly can waddle. If this person finishes actually runs and finishes the race, it is usually by Christmas time. Nonetheless, you must respect the fact that lots of thought and deliberation went into this decision. It may even take longer for the person to get properly fitted in the morning to get ready for the trot than it does for the actual turkey to cook.
Leon Halip/Getty Images
The I Need To Win And Beat The Best Time Ever Runner
With all due respect, this runner is there an hour early stretching, even though they already completely stretched at home prior to eating a full protein breakfast. This participant is fully rested, fully hydrated, and plans to smoke you like you are the turkey. Furthermore, while you are trucking through the first mile, gasping for breath, this runner is going to pass, but going the other direction. That is because this person finished the race already and is simply running back to the starting line as their “cool down.” We get it, your cross-country skills are superhuman, and you now own the Turkey Trot best time. Just don’t be the person that beats the day’s honoree.
Paul Bradbury / Getty Images
The Still Awake From Last Night "Runner"
It’s common knowledge that the Wednesday night before Thanksgiving is one of the biggest party nights on the planet. It’s a special occasion where people come out of the woodwork and return to their hometown. The local pubs may make their annual quota based on Thanksgiving Eve sales. It’s great fun for sure, as long you have a responsible ride home. For some though, they have not even been home yet. It’s much more convenient to walk two blocks to the left to the downtown starting line at sunrise than it is to trek a half of a mile down Main Street to sleep it off for a few hours. This person looks and smells like the party. If there are woods adjacent to the 5k running route, you will usually find this runner in there immediately.
The Socialite Runner
Many towns that host Thanksgiving races are deep with tradition and local history. The families that call this place home often go back generations. Somehow, your grandmother had the same 4th grade teacher that your daughter currently has. The socialite is there to talk to everyone. They are in full-blown campaign mode, yet they are not running for anything. They simply love everything that has to do with their hometown and their mission for Thanksgiving Turkey Trot, is to see literally everyone, and spread some spirit. You have to respect that.
Hiroko Masuike/Getty Images
